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Vtipné básničky & veršované příběhy

26. října 2008 v 22:07 | admin |  °° 2 v 1 xD °°
KARKULKA
V pohledném stavení na konci vesnice,
bydlela sedmkrát trestaná světice,
od mládí fandila procházkám v šeru,
na jejich památku vlastnila dceru.

Křehounká dívenka s nosem jak okurka,
červeným od rumu - no prostě Karkulka.

Ráno, když maminka dcerušku spatřila,
dala jí facku a potichu pravila:
"Rychle si oblékni červenou sukénku,
babička za lesem dostala žloutenku."

Karkulka:
"Nač je mi maminko červená suknice,
ta jenom přiláká vilného myslivce!
Jestli mě znásilní, tak jako včera,
nebudu už tvoje nevinná dcera!?!"

Matka:
"Nedávej bázlivým myšlenkám průchod,
než bába za léky utratí důchod!
Dones jí guláše aspoň půl hrnka
a bába vyskočí zas jako srnka!"
Popadla Karkulka aktovku s jídlem,
běžela lesem, jak píchnutá šídlem.
Navzdory vábivé červené sukýnce,
nestřetla na cestě vilného myslivce.
Svalnaté nohy a kvalitní pohorky,
brzy jí donesly do známé chaloupky.

Karkulka:
"Co je to za fóry, tak brzo po ránu,
vlk se tu placatí v bábině županu!"

Vlk:
"Jen pojď dál, děvenko a nestůj u dveří,
s bábou jsem posnídal, ty zůstaň k večeři!
Máš pěkné tvářičky, jak žádná druhá,
zato tvá bába byla dost tuhá!!

Karkulka:
"Tak to sis vybral kvalitní potravu!
nejseš ty blbečku tak trochu na hlavu?!?
Pozdě mě nazýváš spanilou dívenkou,
sežral jsi babičku s infekční žloutenkou!!!"
Lesem se ozývá zoufalé vytí,
jak se vlk pokouší vyvolat blití.

SIROTEK
U hrobečku dítě stálo, z plna hrdla mlčelo,
před chvíli se usmívalo když tatínka věšelo.
Tu si náhle pomyslelo:"máma má o tátu ztrach!"
nechtělo maminku trápit - teď je dvojnásobný vrah.
Dva hrobečky vedle sebe, brácha vchází do dveří,
za chvíli už budou tři, když se dílo podaří.
Setmělo se, měsíc vyšel, dítě už má strašný hlad,
nu a tak si umanulo z Macka guláš udělat.
"Čiči Macku, pojď sem ke mně, dítě zvedá topůrko,
Macek přišel, dítě jásá,"už tě mám ty potvůrko.
Vzpomělo pak na babičku, na tu starou lakotu,
záhy vetchá stařenka, zdobí tyčku u plotu.
Když to děda všechno spatřil, zasípal:"Ty hajzlíku!",
staré kosti pomalé jsou, neunikly majzlíku.
Po chvíli pak upozornil, alarm VB stanici,
že se něco nekalého, děje v místní márnici.
Kapitán se líně zvedá, do auta se doplazil,
dítě zmáčklo odpal včas, s bombou k nebi vyrazil.
Tak se dítě pojistilo, že mu už nic nebrání,
dál si hrát na predátora, bez trestního stíhání.

VČERA VEČER ....
Včera večer v parku
omrdal jsem Klárku.
Ted se se mnou točí svět,
mně je 30 a jí 5.
Ona to však nepoví
hnije totiž ve křoví.
Dneska večer v parku
vyhrabal sem Klárku.
Včera sem byl pedofil,
dneska budu nekrofil.
Další týden v parku,
zase hledám Klárku.
Zbyla tu jen halda červů,
rozhlížím se kam ho narvu.
Ted už nejsem nekrofil,
je ze mně zoofil.
Měsíc na to v parku,
okopávám Klárku.
Ted mi na ní raší tráva,
za chvíli se zhulim jako kráva
 

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